I have wanted to write this entry for a couple of weeks since my father in law was diagnosed with cancer but I couldn’t bring myself to do it but I think it will help to write about it rather than keep it in.
Cancer… what do you feel when you hear that word? All I associate it with is death as that’s what I have witnessed in the past.
My first experience of cancer was with my uncle when I was about 16 years of age, to see him go down hill as fast as he did, the last time I saw him was at my cousins christening for her daughter, he was so skinny and I could hardly tell it was him, he died a couple of months later.
My second experience was with someone my mum worked with, her boss, she came home in tears saying that he had died and be had only been diagnosed weeks before so nobody had a clue what was going on, the death was sudden.
The third was with a local lady I knew of only 26 years of age, had three young children. We were pregnant at the same time and would often bang into each other at the midwife clinic and chat, she used to come in and shame me by telling me she had just been to the gym 28 weeks pregnant and there I was huffing and puffing walking to the midwife clinic! She looked amazing and very healthy, her son was only a few months when she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, you never think it could happen to someone so fit, young and healthy! Especially a young mother. She was given three months to live but went on to live 6 months, she managed to get married and see her sons first birthday before passing away.
My fourth experience was with another lady that worked with my mum, a very lovely lady, wouldn’t say a bad word about anybody! She was diagnosed with breast cancer after having some symptoms and they were talking about things they could do to help and then she just died unexpectedly after fainting at her home, it was shocking for everyone she worked with as they did not expect that at all, she was at work the week before!
And hearing the words over the phone that my father in law has cancer just sent me into shock. As I type this I still find it hard to take in, that it’s my father in law at home, very sick, lying in bed, it’s like I am talking about someone else. My husband went over to the hospital on the Friday when he was told and I stayed at home with the children. It was a tense weekend, we were both very quiet and I did sneak off to the bathroom a few times to cry away from the kids and husband. It really kicked in on the Monday when hubby went to work and the kids were at school, I was at home with my youngest son and I just cried on and off all day.
It breaks my heart, me and hubby have been together 11 years this year so father in law has been in my life that long also. He is obviously like a second dad to me, he has been so good to us helping us out when we had money trouble and paying for me to drive, he would knock on the door and drop off random dinner like KFC just walk in drop it on the sofa without saying a word and walk out again lol. He is the best grandad that anyone could ask for, he spoils the kids like crazy, he pays for us all to go on day trips together and takes the children places himself, he would feed them ice-cream at every visit without fail! Then stuff them full of chocolate bars, they would go out to the garden and feed the chickens, and collect the eggs, he never missed a birthday of the kids.. he came round and was always there stealing the party food and singing happy birthday. He missed the first one on the 26th April when my son turned four, he was in hospital, the day wasn’t the same without him there. He was the entertainment of our family get togethers, he used to make us all laugh and always ended up falling asleep on a chair!
Now he is stuck in bed, sleeping 22 hours a day, very sick. He gets the results tomorrow about his cancer but I find it hard to remain positive. I feel we have already lost the great man we knew, he has not seen his grandchildren in nearly three weeks, he is to sick too, and I wonder if they will ever see him again?